Daily E’isms

  1. It’s no big deal. It’s only money.
  2. One of my spirit guides is Ricky Ricardo. He told me I have some ‘splaining to do.
  3. If we keep going backward we’ll get a second chance to party like it’s 1899.
  4. Hooter’s girls must be angels because they always have wings.
  5. To find a decent cash car, just find one that runs better than Democracy.
  6. If you are looking for anything divinely inspired, try looking in the mirror.
  7. If you trust in anything man-made to bring you security, you are living in poverty.
  8. The world ended a long time ago. We are just the leftovers.
  9. Shadow government=shadow people=demons
  10. Big brother is watching so give them a good show.
  11. The best part about the possibility of a rapture is flying away as your clothes fall off.
  12. Religion 101: Never question your beliefs
  13. Operation Depopulation: Raise the cost of living so high that they all work themselves to death.
  14. Feels awesome being a jerk of all trades.
  15. Social media in one sentence: I’ll be your friend but keep your distance.
  16. If burger flipping pays $15 an hour and becomes a leading job in the future, I’m changing professions. I always wanted to be behind a mic.
  17. Politics is the only thing dirtier than porn.
  18. When your hair has so much oil the government declares war on your head.
  19. Sometimes it’s okay to admit that you just don’t know.
  20. I’m so vain I thought that song was about me.
  21. Ssh. It will be okay. The E says so.
  22. When you’re poor on paper but feel loaded.
  23. Sometimes I wonder if people only like me for the money I haven’t made yet.
  24. Maybe relationships are more important than having correct theology. The church has it all wrong.
  25. In the beginning God created heaven and earth. In the end everything was made in China.
  26. The less I have to do the more I get done.
  27. Never underestimate man’s ability to make life complicated and make it more complicated trying to fix it.
  28. I miss the days when Hollywood was the nation’s entertainment capital rather than Washington D.C.
  29. There is almost a billion people on social media on any given day. I hope they are at least showering first before they come in here.
  30. Tried making reservations at the library but they were booked.
  31. Humans are nothing more than animals with a fashion sense.
  32. I love it when people think I’m stupid. Makes it so much easier to outsmart them.
  33. The beginning and end of man both come from a woman.
  34. I may not make a lot of money but I can do epic stuff.
  35. Making a little money with investment apps; which is cool because that’s all we’re going to have left in this economy.
  36. I never had to pay a gas bill. Do you get a discount if you have gas?
  37. Black coffee is an acquired taste. It’s true that once you go black you can never go back.
  38. Amazing how the more you respect the freedom of others, the weirder they get.