Before and after awakening: How finding God ruined my life


I saw something funny on a friend’s Facebook page the other day. It was a meme featuring the Will Smith in his Fresh Prince role from the 1990’s. The meme was captioned “how did you find God?” at the top. At the bottom was the opening line to the theme of Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire.

        “I’d like you to take a minute and sit right there as I tell you how I became the Fresh Prince of a town called Bel-Aire.”-Theme song to Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire. (1990-1996).

Before the Awakening

The meme got me thinking about everything I lost the last few years since my Awakening started in 2011. I used to be ambitious in my 20’s. I was going to church on my own for the first time. I also noticed most spiritual/religious types appear to be less ambitious. 

I too started losing my ambition and spent much of my 20’s and into my 30’s struggling with mental illness. On top of my growing lack of ambition, I had the spiritual insight that even the entire mental health field was just a game and had enough conviction to avoid medications.

This separated me from the church I was going to and ended up resulting in the end of my first marriage in my mid 30’s. Further spiritual growth led to a loss of religious zeal (like I ever was much into religion in the first place). I also shifted further to the left in my ideologies and discovered “liberalism” wasn’t such a bad word after all as I felt a sense of freedom, or liberation.

Then I discovered the Middle Way. This was a Buddhist concept, but in a world that politicized everything we call it Libertarianism these days. That’s another topic entirely.

After the Awakening

After I experience brief homeless, I had the privilege of discovering that there were many people who chose homelessness as a way of simply opting out of the economy. Some just did day labor for money and paid for their smartphones (which basically have all you need on them anyway).

In a sense, a homeless shelter was basically an intentional community. I could have gotten into the life and been just as fulfilled writing on my blog at (https://dailyevotionals.wordpress.com) whether I made any money or not.

I already found my purpose in my life as a writer. It’s not about the money. Capitalism is all about raising your standard of living up. It is also basically a giant game of Monopoly.  It’s not inherently a bad thing, except for turning your life into a game. Although you can spending so much time maximizing wealth that you miss out on life entirely. Not to mention ruining your health because of all the stress.

Relationships have gotten so shallow and empty because everyone is so focused on money and materialism that no one really cares about anything deeper. And if you are not a materialist, you will probably have a hard time being a capitalist.

All is not lost

I am not entirely lost with my lack of ambition. I just work for basic needs now. The simpler life means I am healthier. To this I discovered that even health insurance does not cost as much without insurance and even more negotiable. Many urgent care centers have payment plans.

I am still ambitious but my ambition is more practical. It is still empowering being able to work to pay for your own place and enjoy the privilege of driving a nice car. Building a business, or a ministry, is fulfilling in itself.

Men like to build things.

Like it says in the Bible, everything that man builds in the tree of knowledge of good/evil (material world) will be thrown down and burned up. Only spiritual fruit designed to better serve humanity will last forever.  You can still get rich but maybe not as rich if you primary focus is creating family and community.

You might even be called a Socialist! Although I’m sure the Kingdom of God is beyond any earthly kingdom.

Practice mindful meditation and learn to live in the moment which lasts for eternity


You have probably heard people say all your life how short life is. This is mostly because we only see life on this side of whatever lies beyond it. Also compared to the characters displayed in the Bible, we live much shorter lives versus the 900+ years they lived. I wonder sometimes if they weren’t counting their years in months back then. If I were to celebrate my birthday monthly, I just passed 500 months old. I don’t think those restaurants which give you a free meal on your birthday would honor that though.

Another reason people think life is short is because their life goes so fast. That is usually because they are not really living it. In place of living life, we are more focused on surviving and trying to sustain it. The end result is that it gets away from us.

In the last 8 years I begin to practice meditation more. We tell ourselves that we don’t have time to meditate, but we make time for what is important. Plus I don’t have to sit still to meditate. That would actually bore me.

The practice of mindful meditation just means staying focused on the present. I get bored so easily that my mind wonders and I lose focus and daydream. Meditation just keeps me grounded in the now. In the end it is really all we have.

It is good to have goals because that keeps us alive and gives us a sense of purpose. But the future is not guaranteed or promised, no matter what version of the prosperity gospel you ascribe to. Focus on the now and the future will take care of itself.

In the past few years, my life has slowed down. Almost too slow sometimes. But I remind myself that life is not too short, because it never really ends. Death is just a passing. It would take more faith to believe that this short span of time here on earth is all we have. Even a lot of atheists don’t really believe that this life is all their is. Some of them just don’t get hung up on the afterlife because we still have to get through this life first.

Is life really hard?


You have heard it all your life. Life is hard, and then you die. It’s a dog eat dog world. Suck it up, it only get worse. Life only gets harder as you get older.

With a mentality like this, it is no wonder there are so many cases of mental illness out there. This type of mentality actually serves to make life harder and only produce a life of despair.

Studies show that the life is hard mentality doesn’t bear much fruit in life.

What does the Bible say about a hard life?

The primary verse that jumps to mind is “the way of the transgressor is hard”. You can google the location for yourself. I believe it is in Proverbs or Psalms. There are verses like Psalm 1 that says the way of the righteous is prosperous and brings for much fruit; not necessarily pertaining to material gain.

Since a transgressor’s life is so hard, what exactly is a transgressor?

Paul defined sin as transgression of the law.  Since it is the law that brings for the knowledge of sin, or sin consciousness, and Jesus said that love fulfills the law, then transgressing the law is following it in a way that awakens the sin consciousness which only condemns us.

Sin is missing the mark. We miss the point that it is all about love by abiding in the tree of knowledge of good and evil and keeping each individual commandment. The The result is our life becomes harder because, rather than simply abiding in a state of childlike innocence in the Tree of Life, we are now attempting to build a man-made tower of Babel.

Sounds familiar?

“Who told you that you were naked?”-God to Adam and Eve.

Life was created to be simple.

  • Till the earth
  • Revere (fear) God and keep His commandments (not because you have to or fear of hell)
  • Take care of each other

Through the Tower of Babel, man has tried to build a utopia and the result was chaos, confusion, and a very complicated and hard life.

Maybe life wouldn’t be so hard if it wasn’t for people. (You will figure the joke there soon).

GK Chesterton said in one of his books that socialism may be what saves the world though it is the least desired system. By socialism, I don’t mean the political system. More of an anarchist system where people choose to live communally and love is the currency.

Every time I mention love being a currency, I crack myself up. I can’t help thinking of every time I tried to use love as currency it ended up resulting in criminal charges.

Okay so that was a bad joke. We can’t win them all.

There is very little difference between political systems. They all have their good points and bad points. Whenever you lose focus on the Divine and focus on the political system itself, it becomes corrupt and everyone gets enslaved.

In closing it is also good to note that you will never find freedom within any political system. Freedom is purely spiritual and only flows from being in right relationship with God. Although from the Universalist perspective, everyone already is (spiritual Jew & Gentile). There is no “getting saved”, only the knowledge of salvation.