Before and after awakening: How finding God ruined my life


I saw something funny on a friend’s Facebook page the other day. It was a meme featuring the Will Smith in his Fresh Prince role from the 1990’s. The meme was captioned “how did you find God?” at the top. At the bottom was the opening line to the theme of Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire.

        “I’d like you to take a minute and sit right there as I tell you how I became the Fresh Prince of a town called Bel-Aire.”-Theme song to Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire. (1990-1996).

Before the Awakening

The meme got me thinking about everything I lost the last few years since my Awakening started in 2011. I used to be ambitious in my 20’s. I was going to church on my own for the first time. I also noticed most spiritual/religious types appear to be less ambitious. 

I too started losing my ambition and spent much of my 20’s and into my 30’s struggling with mental illness. On top of my growing lack of ambition, I had the spiritual insight that even the entire mental health field was just a game and had enough conviction to avoid medications.

This separated me from the church I was going to and ended up resulting in the end of my first marriage in my mid 30’s. Further spiritual growth led to a loss of religious zeal (like I ever was much into religion in the first place). I also shifted further to the left in my ideologies and discovered “liberalism” wasn’t such a bad word after all as I felt a sense of freedom, or liberation.

Then I discovered the Middle Way. This was a Buddhist concept, but in a world that politicized everything we call it Libertarianism these days. That’s another topic entirely.

After the Awakening

After I experience brief homeless, I had the privilege of discovering that there were many people who chose homelessness as a way of simply opting out of the economy. Some just did day labor for money and paid for their smartphones (which basically have all you need on them anyway).

In a sense, a homeless shelter was basically an intentional community. I could have gotten into the life and been just as fulfilled writing on my blog at (https://dailyevotionals.wordpress.com) whether I made any money or not.

I already found my purpose in my life as a writer. It’s not about the money. Capitalism is all about raising your standard of living up. It is also basically a giant game of Monopoly.  It’s not inherently a bad thing, except for turning your life into a game. Although you can spending so much time maximizing wealth that you miss out on life entirely. Not to mention ruining your health because of all the stress.

Relationships have gotten so shallow and empty because everyone is so focused on money and materialism that no one really cares about anything deeper. And if you are not a materialist, you will probably have a hard time being a capitalist.

All is not lost

I am not entirely lost with my lack of ambition. I just work for basic needs now. The simpler life means I am healthier. To this I discovered that even health insurance does not cost as much without insurance and even more negotiable. Many urgent care centers have payment plans.

I am still ambitious but my ambition is more practical. It is still empowering being able to work to pay for your own place and enjoy the privilege of driving a nice car. Building a business, or a ministry, is fulfilling in itself.

Men like to build things.

Like it says in the Bible, everything that man builds in the tree of knowledge of good/evil (material world) will be thrown down and burned up. Only spiritual fruit designed to better serve humanity will last forever.  You can still get rich but maybe not as rich if you primary focus is creating family and community.

You might even be called a Socialist! Although I’m sure the Kingdom of God is beyond any earthly kingdom.

Unity in all religions


I have been following other religions, denominations, and new age thinkers such as Eckhart Tolle and Wayne Dyer on Twitter-which is like going to a free University in and of itself.

Some Christians would freak out if they read that but it does enhance your witnessing if you study them. For this reason you have to have an intimate rlationship with your Creator or you could become unstable by being tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine.

1. All paths don’t lead to the one true God. The path is by faith through the grace of God.

2. It is widely known that not every one who professes Christianity follows the Christ. It is estimated that true followers may be as low as 20% or even lower.

3. It is also possible that those who practice other telling religions may be led by the Spirit indirectly. Try reading the Sufi literature for example. Or Emmanuel Swedenborg.

Jesus Himself said the Way was very narrow and few would find it. Basic religious teaching is the same and spirituality comes from God, no matter how it manifests itself. We are the ones who pervert the message.

This may sound too open minded but it keeps us from judging. It also reminds us that salvation is of God and whoever He chooses to have mercy on.

What is the Gospel? Aka the Kingdom of God?


Luke 17:21. . .”-the Kingdom of God is within you.”

I’ve heard this question asked in every religious article in relation to this post. Think about it, what is the gospel that Jesus preached?

Is it the health/wealth that the Word/Faith prosperity churches teach? There does have to be some truth to this or it wouldn’t have such an impact. At least health wise. Wealth is relative and okay to enjoy but not be the primary focus in life.

How about “Ask Jesus into your heart” and be baptized. You won’t find this phrase anywhere in the bible?

Today’s verse (in the older translations) declare the Kingdom of God to be within us. In John 18:36 Jesus says His Kingdom isn’t of this world. The world is more properly translated as “realm”.

God is spirit and the things of God are spiritual. This is why we are commanded to live by faith and not by sight.

The real good news is that heaven is all around us. The only thing lacking is awareness Most of us are to blinded by materialism to actually “see” it or enjoy it. Maybe we really don’t believe in the things of God?

The only real sin (missing the mark) is unbelief. This leads us to chase after worldy things in an attempt to fill that void. Even politics is what people turn to when they lost faith in God.

Have to admit that worldliness is really good for the economy. It’s also exhausting with the endless work and trying to solve the various economic crisis that develop.

Seek first the Kingdom and all else will fall into place. The only way to deal with problems in society like racism is to be at peace with God, which supernaturally puts one at peace with his fellow man.

Are you free?


The biggest mystery in life is whether or not we have freewill? Most people assume we don’t. Life would often appear to the unenlightened to be predestined. This just means we have no control which means life just happens to us Talk about mental slavery. Your rulers and masters will have a field day with this because they will use it to control you. Until you develop enough spiritual discernment to break free and learn to rule yourself.

In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, self-reliance is really just a God-reliance.

We have freewill but our will is enslaved to our materialistic desires. Even Paul claimed to always do what he didn’t want to do and being unable to do what he wanted.

In the book of Genesis, God told Cain that if he did right God would bless him, but if did wrong then sin would lay in wait, crouching at his door. It was Cain’s choice.

We make our own choices in life, even if our motivations are buried in the subconcious mind.

If we are not free then we are a slave. Paul talks about being a slave to God. This just means a slave to righteousness since that is where righteousness comes from. A slave to doing the right thing, which is basically just trusting God for wisdom to make the best, common sense choice.

Yes, common sense is just intuitive divine wisdom No wonder in a godless world it is declining. You make your own choices and even if it’s the wrong one, if you are putting the Divine will first, then He brings something good out of it.

Strength of Character


We’ve heard the old saying “Survival of the Fittest” and the famous one “God helps those who helps themselves.” Is this Biblical? Who are the fittest and the ones to whom God helps that help themselves?

Mental illness along with illnesses of the body are usually not found in those that consider themselves “strong.” Even the “strongest” person admits they have weaknesses. So why don’t we acknowledge our illnesses, particularly mental, as our weaknesses? We admit our character defects which for the most part include our sins. So why don’t we consider our infirmities as weaknesses? After all when you struggle with something for a long time it can wear down your body’s immune system. This is especially true when as we get older and prolonged years of stress & anxiety “weaken” our immune system and we end up having to take medicine as we get older.

So who are the ones who are the fittest? Some have a strong faith in God and some are strong in and of themselves. However no one is entirely that strong in and of themselves apart from God. Therefore it’s God who gives you the grace to make it through each day. You’re just deluded into thinking you’re such a “good person” in and of yourself.

Years of being grounded in the Word of God can “strengthen” your character as well. As you pray and seek God you can better discern His Will for you life so that you know almost exactly what to pray for. Then you stand on the Word and trust in God’s timing for the answer. God for the most part either says Yes when He grants it to you or wait. He only says no if it goes against His Word. Although all your prayers have their yes in Messiah Yeshua as everything you ultimately seek can be found in Him; security, significance, salvation, purpose,

So to sum it up Survival of the Fittest can best be attributed to Survival of the Faithful. Although no matter how godly or faithful you can get you can always get struck down with cancer, heart disease, mental illness. You will be healed of it even if it kills you; i.e. if God uses it as His means of Grace to call you home.

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