Before and after awakening: How finding God ruined my life


I saw something funny on a friend’s Facebook page the other day. It was a meme featuring the Will Smith in his Fresh Prince role from the 1990’s. The meme was captioned “how did you find God?” at the top. At the bottom was the opening line to the theme of Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire.

        “I’d like you to take a minute and sit right there as I tell you how I became the Fresh Prince of a town called Bel-Aire.”-Theme song to Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire. (1990-1996).

Before the Awakening

The meme got me thinking about everything I lost the last few years since my Awakening started in 2011. I used to be ambitious in my 20’s. I was going to church on my own for the first time. I also noticed most spiritual/religious types appear to be less ambitious. 

I too started losing my ambition and spent much of my 20’s and into my 30’s struggling with mental illness. On top of my growing lack of ambition, I had the spiritual insight that even the entire mental health field was just a game and had enough conviction to avoid medications.

This separated me from the church I was going to and ended up resulting in the end of my first marriage in my mid 30’s. Further spiritual growth led to a loss of religious zeal (like I ever was much into religion in the first place). I also shifted further to the left in my ideologies and discovered “liberalism” wasn’t such a bad word after all as I felt a sense of freedom, or liberation.

Then I discovered the Middle Way. This was a Buddhist concept, but in a world that politicized everything we call it Libertarianism these days. That’s another topic entirely.

After the Awakening

After I experience brief homeless, I had the privilege of discovering that there were many people who chose homelessness as a way of simply opting out of the economy. Some just did day labor for money and paid for their smartphones (which basically have all you need on them anyway).

In a sense, a homeless shelter was basically an intentional community. I could have gotten into the life and been just as fulfilled writing on my blog at (https://dailyevotionals.wordpress.com) whether I made any money or not.

I already found my purpose in my life as a writer. It’s not about the money. Capitalism is all about raising your standard of living up. It is also basically a giant game of Monopoly.  It’s not inherently a bad thing, except for turning your life into a game. Although you can spending so much time maximizing wealth that you miss out on life entirely. Not to mention ruining your health because of all the stress.

Relationships have gotten so shallow and empty because everyone is so focused on money and materialism that no one really cares about anything deeper. And if you are not a materialist, you will probably have a hard time being a capitalist.

All is not lost

I am not entirely lost with my lack of ambition. I just work for basic needs now. The simpler life means I am healthier. To this I discovered that even health insurance does not cost as much without insurance and even more negotiable. Many urgent care centers have payment plans.

I am still ambitious but my ambition is more practical. It is still empowering being able to work to pay for your own place and enjoy the privilege of driving a nice car. Building a business, or a ministry, is fulfilling in itself.

Men like to build things.

Like it says in the Bible, everything that man builds in the tree of knowledge of good/evil (material world) will be thrown down and burned up. Only spiritual fruit designed to better serve humanity will last forever.  You can still get rich but maybe not as rich if you primary focus is creating family and community.

You might even be called a Socialist! Although I’m sure the Kingdom of God is beyond any earthly kingdom.

How to break out of prison


Romans 2:28-29. . .”“Who are Jews but those who have received the circumcision of the heart?”

I have to confess that in recent years I have found more spiritual fulfillment from sites like Chabad.  I experienced more spiritual growth since I became interested in Judaism a few years ago. This is not surprising since it is the parent to Christianity. It goes without saying that the most spiritual Christians just refer to themselves as Judeo-Christians.

That being said, I tried attending a few Messianic congregations only to find that there was too much “Christianity” in it. You will better understand this when you come to understand the difference between following the Christ and following the religion built around the Messiah. 

In more recent years I discovered that I didn’t have to attend a Messianic church. I could just study Judaism on my own. I can also find the most spiritual congregations who are in touch with their Jewish roots. Even Paul said we are all spiritual Jews.

In one of the posts on Chabad that I read this week, it was saying that the best way to escape a prison cell was to make yourself small.  This is a great analogy for life which can seem like a prison.

Actually the material world is a prison. Our divine selves are actually free spirits. This is why we often feel trapped by the burdens placed on us by society.  Society will make us feel like we have some kind of moral obligation to produce and earn a higher income (making us economic slaves). It is even worse when the church does it because it perverts the message of Christ.

The humble, simple life is a high calling in scripture. The more you know God, the more you know yourselves. The more you realize where true wealth lies.  Rich and poor are relative terms.

The material world is hell. This is the only hell that exists is the ones humans create by making life complicated and stressful.

Living intentionally keeps you more focused on the Divine.

There is nothing wrong in and of itself with being materially ambitious. Even James, the half-brother of Jesus, talked about remaining humble in your high position. You can be as wealthy as you are driven to in the material world. Just don’t get too attached to it because this is when it borders on idolatry.

Pursue your dreams. Build an empire. Create all the wealth you want. Just remember to hold it with an open hand and to give back to humanity everything you have been blessed with. Actually if you don’t give back, the government will get ahold of it through taxes. Another reason why one is better off being poor, because if you really believe in divine providence then poverty doesn’t really exist and is completely man made.